I can’t wait to be here. i absolutely LOVE it!
My dad noticed my tattoo for the first time today. i thought it was kinda funny, since i’ve had it for about a month now, and he barely noticed. he looked at my wrist and did a double take and asked me if it was real. i was like “oh yeah, but it has a deep meaning to it.” He looked away and said “oh.” minutes later, he went outside to the garage but i didn’t pay too much attention, until i went to look for my mom. she came back inside and said that my dad was mad/upset. mad because i had not told him i got a tattoo and sad because his little girl is growing up. i feel horrible, not because i didn’t ask for his permission to get one, but because right after i got it, i told everyone but him. ughh, i suck.
This is how all my close friends are like
I love those type of friendships that don’t require a lot of effort. We may not see each other as much as we want to or talk as much as we used to, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re friends no matter what. They can do their own thing and I can do my own thing. What’s important is that whenever we do see each other again, we can pick up right from where we left off without making it awkward. Any friendship that works out like that is a friendship worth having.
I wish i could sit here and say the worst things about you.
i wish i could say how terrible you were and what a disappointment you were to me.
i wish i could sit here and regret being with you.
i wish i could express anger and hatred towards you.
i wish i could say i take everything i said to or did for you.
but i can’t.
because you were great and treated me like a princess.
you respected me and made me laugh.
you made me feel better when i was down
and you’ve been the best, no doubt.
and all that makes it so much harder to not think about you.
so i just sit here with my jumbled thoughts, asking why.
i miss you terribly, V.
has to have at least ALL of these characteristics…well, if he’s the one I’m gonna be dating. I’m not asking for the perfect man because, frankly, he doesn’t exist. So instead of having no idea of what to expect from a man and just date losers left and right, I sat down and took the time to write out some standards. Not only to eliminate those idiots, but because I know I deserve someone great.
I LOVE a guy with brains and knows how to use it. I love a guy who is hard-working and is independent. Why? Because I think that a guy like this isn’t gonna drag me down; rather, he’ll motivate and support me. He’d encourage me to follow my dreams and achieve my goals. He is aware of what my priorities are and makes me become a better person. We’d have a similar mind-set; I am not your mommy or your therapist. So, get on the same level, or I’m on to the next.
My mom always told me to observe how a guy treats the ladies in his life (i.e. mom, sister, etc.) because it’s an insight to how he’ll be treating me. Respect is HUGE for me. He’d respect my opinions, ideas, beliefs, and choices. Not only that, but he’d also have to respect my family. One thing I learned in my previous relationship is that others can see what you can’t when you’re infatuated w/ someone. Take in deep consideration what your close friends and family think of him. I know that if my family disagrees, he’s most likely not good for me. He should NEVER make you choose between him and your family. Ever.
Another thing I admire about a man is when he gives me my space. He’s not constantly checking up on me and where I’m at and who I’m with. It’s all about TRUST! And just like I need my space, I’d understand he’d need his space too.
I like to be able to feel comfortable and be honest with my man. Yes, there are things we all hold back, but when it comes to a relationship, honesty and communication is a must. Obviously, I’m not gonna be honest to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings because it essentially does the same damage as lying or being a hypocrite. But I will be honest about the things that matter. And I expect the same in return.
To top it off, I will NEVER allow a man to:
• control me completely (checks up on me ALL THE TIME, snoops through my phone, doesn’t let me go out with my friends, doesn’t let me talk to my guy friends, etc.)
• hit me. EVER.
• insult me, raise his voice at me, threaten me, boss me around. If my parents never did it, then why would I let some dumbass come and do that to me?!
My day didn’t start off quite right: I barely got any sleep, woke up in a cranky mood, was all stressed out, and to top it off, my prof thought i was cheating on my exam. (Yes, I did happen to look at her paper, but only because I knew she wasn’t doing too well. Besides, why would i copy from someone who CLEARLY knows very little French?!) I tried to just be optimistic, but as the day went by, I just couldn’t do it today. I had all these people bitching at me, I’m stressing ‘cause I need money, I had homework to do…UGH, I had had enough.
But none of these things sucker punched me as hard as my brother did. Seriously, bringing a dangerous weapon to school and getting suspended for 5 days?! Where the fuck did you get this idea from?! I could see that you took it to “protect” yourself from the guys picking on you, but what the hell were you planning to do?! Stab them?!
I am just so mad…not at my brother (with him, I’m just disappointed; I never expected HIM to be the one to pull this shit); I’m mad at myself. See when my older brother fucked up and could no longer be a role model for us, I told myself I would be the one to set an example. I worked my ass off in school (still do), I got a decent job, and I try to be there for anyone who needs me. I’ve tried to be a good person and shown my brothers that smart fighting doesn’t involve violence or weapons. The strongest weapons one has are intelligence and kindness. Well, apparently I’m much of a role model. Have i not done enough to show you how to be a better person? Have i not been there enough for you? Am i that much of a bad sister?
Ohh, he sucker punched me, and he got me good. He made me lose that strong facade i try to keep on 24/7. He made me doubt myself. He absoutely left me speechless today.
Is beautiful unexpected chaos.
Well, at least mine is!
I got a few classes at COD, which makes me feel like I’m doing something with my life (despite the fact that I KNOW I can do better than community college). Maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for me to leave just yet, and I’m sure that whether i go to COD or Emerson or wherever, i’m still gonna do great and achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. :)
Oh and my family! They’ve always been very loving and supportive. They’ll ALWAYS be #1 on my priority list :) In addition to my blood family, there’s also one of my best friends, Gloria. We love her like a sister, and I am so happy that her baby was born healthy and handsome. So Gloria, Mateo, and now baby Matthew Saul are the latest addition to my extended family :) haven’t wrote much about him, but i really like my boyfriend :} I am so thankful that i found such a great guy. We are both busy with school and work, so finding time to spend together is difficult. But i am not looking at the quantity of time we spend together. Rather, i focus on the quality of the little time we are together.
Stop relying on other people to do things or get things for you. It’s NOT GONNA happen. Ohh, and don’t expect ANYTHING from anyone ‘cause it’s gonna come back and bite you in the ass, one way or another.
Expecting/ depending too much from anyone only leads to disappointment.